It’s because of my Dad that I’m here in Spain to get treated for
my whiplash and concussion. As an eye surgeon he recognized my symptoms, mainly
the eye coordination issues, and knew the clinic here in Moraira that is
specialized in whiplash treatment.
When he first started talking about what he could do for me
I was very skeptical – why could I not do the same in Canada, why did no one in
Canada recognize my symptoms, do the tests that he suggested, do this kind of
physiotherapy? I also didn’t expect my employer to allow me to get treated
overseas. And how much was this all going to cost? Will I ever get any of this
back from insurance?
After 7 months of limbo in Canada with little improvement
and no hope left to find anything other than – go sit at home, be patient, do
nothing - my employer agreed that I should give this treatment in Spain a go.
Within days here I was seen by doctors, had tests done, had appointments for
x-rays, MRIs, and we started the treatment. It was like being in medical heaven
after many months of not being taken seriously by doctors back home.
The idea was for me to stay with my Dad and his girlfriend
in their spare room. My Dad would drive me to the clinic and hospital as I
can’t drive yet. We set up a schedule to fit in with his and it seemed to be
working OK. On my days off I would drive to his clinics with him and walk
around town or go to the beach – swimming, especially snorkeling is very good
exercise!
I was a little nervous about the idea of living with him and
his girlfriend for 3 months as I didn’t know the girlfriend very well and my
relationship with my Dad has been minimal and a bit difficult since the nasty
divorce 10 years ago. But, I wanted to get better so thought I would survive 3
months. I thought I’d be able to kind of live my own life between treatments,
politely having dinner with Dad and his girlfriend and helping out in the
kitchen and the garden.
When I arrived the plane was delayed so I had to wait at the
airport for 3 hours as my Dad had to go see his patients. His girlfriend was
there to greet me and we had coffee and a chat. I like to give people the
benefit of the doubt but I could already sense that there were visions in her
head of me laying in bed all day and her Florence Nightingaling about, bringing
hot tea, holding my hand and whiping my forehead.
Over the next few days my Dad and I were quite happy to see
each other again and spend time together. We had to go to the UK for my aunt’s funeral,
which got in the way of settling into a routine. I thought my Dad wasn’t
himself but it might be the tension of losing his aunt, the driving around in a
new car on the wrong side of the road, worries about my treatment. Maybe this
was his “new me” in his new life with his new partner? I thought his girlfriend’s
behavior was also somewhat odd. Maybe she was just nervous about me being
there, she never had children of her own, not used to sharing my Dad with
anyone, not used to having a guest in the house for a long period of time,
being from a different culture she might have different expectations? I thought
I’d give it time.
After about 3 weeks her odd behavior had turned into abuse.
The things she said became increasingly twisted and mean and with me being
extremely sensitive to stress – one of the concussion symptoms - it didn’t take
long until I had a nervous breakdown. Luckily my Mum, sister and nephew were
visiting at that time and I was able to stay in their apartment for a couple of
days. In the meantime we started searching for my own place to stay.
On the advice of my Dad I talked to my family doctor about
the situation. She suggested I talk to my Dad’s girlfriend alone. She thought
explaining the situation from my perspective would help. I tried. We talked for
7 hours. I was exhausted. When my Dad came home she wanted to talk with the 3
of us. This talking turned into an hour rant from her side about all kinds of
things; all my Dad’s shortcomings, most of all about money and “girlfriends”. I
was gob smacked. It turns out these rants have been happening about once every
2 to 3 weeks for several years now.
After witnessing this explosion there was no way I could
stay in the house any longer. Luckily my Dad was very upset about me being so
upset and this was the final kick in the butt that he needed to see that he
could not stay in this relationship. But how to get out….
He’s been renting a house for a couple of years now to store
his stuff. His stuff was never allowed in his girlfriend’s house even though
she promised that in the future he might be allowed one or 2 items in one of
the rooms. Of course the rented house is a mess and hasn’t been cleaned or used
for years so it needs some work. The few things that he did have in his
girlfriends house were important – clothes, books, admin - so he needed to wait
for the right moment to get them out of there. If she would see him leave, even
though she told him to leave several times right in front of me, we thought she
might attacked him.
Last weekend a brilliant opportunity came up and he packed
his car and left. I am still surprised that he actually had the guts to do it.
He had been taking her abuse for so long, no one knows or understands how or
why. He probably never had the guts to leave. But this time after his own
daughter was kicked out of the house and his other daughter and grandson were
not allowed to even come visit him there he had had enough.
He is very upset and doesn’t really know what to do with
himself. At the same time he is obviously relieved and very happy that he took
this step. He has the support of some great people around him who will pull him
through this. As long as he doesn’t go back…. This time I think he wont.
After he ran out of the house, leaving a goodbye note on the
kitchen table, we waited and waited and waited to hear from her. Nothing
happened. The only thing we got was an angry phone call saying that her
landline had been disconnected. It’s
been several days now and still not much has happened. She has called some
friends but has not shown up at his house yet, or at anyone else’s house
looking for him. We’ll wait and see.
Looking back all the strange and aggressive behavior makes
perfect sense. Even behavior that I noticed years ago suddenly makes sense. It
was difficult to see because no one expected what she was really up to. If she
had been more subtle it might have taken months before I had noticed what was
really going on. I’m just very glad I’m out of there and even more happy that
my Dad finally realized that he got himself into a lot of trouble and he had to
get out.
Not exactly the nice relaxing environment that I needed to
recover from a whiplash. I’m still
waiting for my own apartment, which I should have in a couple of days. Dad is
still hiding and recovering from everything that he’s been trough. We’re slowly
getting back to “normal”. Although neither of us knows what “normal” really is
right now. We’ll give it some time.
In the meantime my treatment has been difficult. Obviously
the tension had a huge effect on my body and has slowed down the progress. The
people in the clinic have been extremely helpful and understanding, even
offering me a bed in their homes, driving me around, helping me to find an
apartment.
The psychiatrist who I didn’t think I needed at first has
been a great resource to pull me through this. He’s added some muscle relaxants
to the medication mix to help with the incredible tension in my neck and
shoulders. I prefer not to take medication if I can avoid it but under these
circumstances I thought I’d better just let it happen and let it do its job. He
suggested some Valium too but so far I’ve said no to that. I think I can get
through this without any further brain candy as long as I can keep going for
bike rides and walks and long floats in the sea. Blog writing might also be
good therapy!
Next week Colin will come to visit and I’m really looking
forward to that. I’m hoping to do a lot of hiking, biking, kayaking,
snorkeling, sailing, eating tapas and other nice food, introducing him to some
of the great people I’ve met here, maybe going to Valencia for a day to see all
the beautiful architecture by Mr. “Peace Bridge” Calatrava. It’s going to be a
very nice break, which I think we both need!
